Don’t Let Your Low Libido Tear Your Relationship Apart

Are you worried about not feeling in the mood for sex? Is it affecting your relationship? We explore the reasons for a low libido, and why you don’t have to let it tear your relationship apart!

Is My Low Libido a Real Problem?

Isn’t it the worst feeling in the world to feel guilty for depriving someone you love of physical intimacy, just because you don’t ever seem to be in the mood for sex? Don’t worry: We have all been there – including me!

Not being in the mood for sex is not something you should worry too much about unless it spans a few months and is having a negative impact on your relationship. Most people put off having sex for ordinary reasons such as, feeling too tired, not feeling sexy, or just having other things on their minds.

These are not things that are going to tear your relationship apart though – as long as you keep an eye on your relationship and make sure that you aren’t neglecting your partner! If you are able to talk to your partner about how you feel, then they should be able to understand what you are going through at the moment – you are only human after all – and also realize that there is nothing seriously wrong with your relationship.

Good communication in a relationship really does help because it prevents your boyfriend from taking things personally and causing a rift between you. Talking can also work as a substitute for the intimacy lost between you through lack of physical contact, and help to make you both feel closer to each other.

Does a Loss Of Libido Affect Men?

According to the NHS website, 1 in 5 men experience problems with their sex drive at some point in their lives. This is lower than the number of women who experience a low libido, but it is still a significantly high ratio. It suggests that a disinterest in sex is perfectly normal and common in both men and women.

This means you can feel comforted by the fact that at least two other people sitting on a fairly full bus with you will be experiencing something similar behind closed doors!

Men commonly experience sexual performance problems because they are overtired or have had too much to drink; these are not things to worry about.

If a guy goes floppy on you during sex, never take it personally! It is almost never because they don’t find you attractive. If a man loses his erection, it usually has nothing to do with the woman he is sleeping with.

Sometimes a stressful job may affect a man’s sex drive, and they may not be able to focus on the task at hand because they have too much on their mind. Have you ever found your mind wandering during sexual intercourse? I know I have!  Luckily, there is no physical way for a guy to know when we have ‘lost our erection’ so to speak.

The best way to deal with it when your guy loses his erection is to laugh it off and not get defensive. Be sensitive and let your man know that you understand that he is just tired. Chances are, he will feel worse than you anyway, and your logical empathy with the situation will help to re-establish your intimate connection.

Possible Reasons For a Low Libido

We can’t all be up for it all of the time. Women more than men, tend to have phases when they are not into sex, which is often linked to a woman’s cycle; most men understand this. Hormone levels can affect your libido at different times of the month. Sometimes you might just be feeling more self-conscious than usual when you are on a period, which is also a very natural feeling that a lot of girls feel.

I tend to get very bloated around my period, which is uncomfortable and makes me feel fat! I don’t always want to remove my clothes when I am feeling particularly podgy! There is nothing wrong with telling your guy this; in fact, he might even be able to make you feel sexy again and help to build up your confidence even if you do feel like an over-inflated balloon!

There are other things that could be affecting your interest in sex. For example, some women do not respond well to certain medications, particularly birth control pills, which can significantly affect the libido. If you think your birth control pills are affecting the way you feel in general, you should see your GP because there are a number of alternatives. There is no point in suffering if you don’t have to!

Besides, what is the point in taking birth control if you don’t even want to have sex? That’s not really how birth control is meant to work. Although one might argue that lowering the libido also lowers the chance of getting pregnant if you are not having sex as a result of it!

Here are some other common reasons for a low sex drive in women:

• Stress in your personal life
• Stress in your work life
• Pregnancy/childbirth/breastfeeding

It might also be useful to ask yourself the following questions;

• Have you been with your partner for a very long time?
• Could you be experiencing erotic dissatisfaction? (Are you both too familiar with one another? Has the sexual spark disappeared?
• Are you happy in your relationship?
• Are there any doubts or worries that might be causing insecurity?
• Are any changes in your life affecting your usual routine?
• Are there any new pressures on you or your partner?
• Are you happy with your body and physical health?
• Do either of you have performance issues? For example, are you both able to give and receive sexual pleasure?
• Is sex painful for you?

Understanding what might be affecting the way you feel is the first positive step towards saving your relationship. The next important step is achieving clear communication with your loved one!

Do You Need Help Communicating With Your Partner?

In order to avoid the common breakdown of a relationship, you must avoid a breakdown in communication. Just because your physical intimacy has been affected doesn’t mean that your emotional connection should break down. Being able to talk to each other and work out the root of your problems without placing blame at anyone’s door is very important.

It can be very difficult to express to someone how you feel, no matter how close they are to you, when you feel insecure though. If you find it difficult to communicate with your partner, consider psychosexual counseling.

Talk to your GP about the possible options. Psychosexual counseling is a form of relationship therapy, which can help you and your partner communicate with each other and work out what is affecting your sexual relationship.

Talking to a GP could also uncover other possible explanations for your low libido. Here are some of the other things that could be affecting you:

• Depression
• Drugs and alcohol
• Getting older
• Medical conditions such as diabetes and obesity

Remember: You Are Never On Your Own

It might feel like there is nobody who could possibly understand how you are feeling, but there always people you can talk to. If you feel uncomfortable talking to your partner or a doctor, why not try talking to your close friends or a member of your family? You may discover that your problems are more common than you thought. Friends can often give very sound advice, and draw from their own experiences, or stories they have heard from other people they know. These nuggets of insight into other people’s sex lives may help you to take the next step in resolving you own issues.

If you are having intimacy issues, or experiencing problems in your sex drive that worry you, why not share your problems here on YouQueen by discussing them in the comments below? Sometimes expressing yourself anonymously to strangers online can be surprisingly helpful!

… @Mz_Akintosin

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